Self Punishment

When each of my kids were babies, there came a time when we had to teach them to go to sleep on their own. In their own bed. Without mom rocking and singing until the wee hours of the morning. I remember listening outside of their doors - out of sight of course - waiting for them to stop crying. Knowing in my head that it won't be long before they fall asleep, but feeling like my heart was being ripped out with each sob.

There also came a time for each one when they had to learn to eat what I served for dinner. Even if it was green or mushy or not peanut butter. They went to their rooms crying many nights. I remember wishing they would just try the food. I am a picky eater, so I don't fix weird foods. I listened to them cry, praying they would come back down and fill their little tummies. I was trying to nurture them, but felt so sad knowing they were hungry.

Tonight I asked them to all get ready for bed. I gave them time. They all heard me. They all ignored me. So...I ignored them. They all got ready for bed and tucked themselves in. No stories. No prayers. No bear hugs. No sweet kisses. Lily cried and said she couldn't sleep. I felt like the brand new mom, waiting for her babies to sleep. I was dying to go up there! I waited as long as I could, then I crept upstairs to kiss all their sleeping faces. Logan was sound asleep. Zac was still awake, feeling bad, and apologized. Lily...she was reading her Bible with her ring light. OK reading her Bible is sweet, but OF COURSE YOU CAN"T SLEEP!!! I still have so much work with that one!

They are older now. They have no trouble sleeping. They eat what is served. The battles are changing. The punishment is changing. But why is it that I am the one that feels punished the most? Sometimes the punishment is so much worse for me than it is for them. But they don't know that. That is part of being a mother. And that lesson is one that they will not learn until I am a grandmother.

Rain, Rain Go Away

OK. I love a rainy day as much as the next gal. Cuddling up with a good book. Visiting with friends. Watching old movies. Playing board games with the kids. Making cookies. Eating soup. Taking a long nap.

But ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! It has rained too many days now. I feel the need to begin construction on my ark!

There is something I love even more than a rainy day...and that is getting things crossed off my "to-do" list. Isn't that the best feeling in the world?!? Does anyone agree, or am I all alone on this one? I absolutely love finishing projects! Starting projects is fun and the process is good, but stepping back and seeing a job well done...wow! And right now the biggest "to-do" on my list (and subsequently Larry's list too) is landscaping the back yard. The pool is finished and I am ready for it to look like the pictures in the pool brochures. Right now, it is a pretty swimming hole planted in mud! If it ever stops raining for more than 2 days, we might just get the chance.

But, for tonight, I guess we watch football, listen to the rain and patiently (I'm working on that) wait for things to dry.

Rainy Visit

Last weekend Grana and Poopa (Larry's mom and her husband) came to visit from Mississippi. We had big plans to go to all the kids baseball games, but every time they come to Texas, they bring crazy weather! Snow, hail, torrential downpours, etc. And this weekend was no different. It rained all weekend long!
But for once, it was a great thing that we were trapped inside! We got more time to visit with each other. Saturday, we were watching some football and Grana had brought her crochet project that she was working on. Lily was very curious and cuddled right up to her for a lesson in how to crochet. Grana patiently taught her to make a chain stitch, which she worked on until it was taller than her! She was having a great time and Grana talked about how easy it was. She was making dishrags. Sounds easy, right?


Well, she taught me how and I made my first dishrag. No, it is not real pretty. Quite far from it! But I improved a lot! Notice how the stitches are a bit crazy at the top, but got more consistent toward the bottom. I now know why people call them rags!





Grana also taught me how to make a hat. Lily really wanted one, so ta-da! I did it! Honestly I am quite proud, because I even made a flower for her hat. I enjoyed crocheting so much that I got carried away and made Lily a scarf to match! After I finished the scarf, Lily wrapped up, smiled a huge smile and said "Mom, I love it! All I can say is thank you!" Baby girl, that is all a momma needs.

She has been sleeping with her scarf since I finished it.

What a Pain!

You know how when you have a crick in your neck, you just take a few Motrin and keep going? Cause you just slept funny. Right? Well, you know how your shoulder is kinda numb, and you just ignore it? Cause your purse is heavier and you always sleep on that side. Right? And you know how your fingers feel a little tingly, and you blow it off? Because you have tremors and that is to be expected. Right? OK, so maybe you don't have tremors, but we always ignore little health issues because we are busy, busy, busy. Can't let a little ache or pain slow us down! Right?

Well, Monday after swimming a few laps, I turned my head to the left to look at Lily and something happened. Not sure what, but I couldn't move my head, neck or shoulders. PAIN!!! I barely got out of the pool and luckily Larry got home right after it happened to help me inside. Well, after an awful night, I went to see the doctor. And he said I have a bulging herniated disk in my neck. A pain in the neck - literally! I will be going for an MRI tomorrow to see what to do about it. So, please pray that I will not freak out in the MRI and that this can be easily fixed.

Well, not feeling great. Going to take some great meds. Then off to bed.

Welcome to our ool!

Notice there is no P in it. Let's keep it that way! (This is a wallpaper that Zac keeps putting on my phone!)

No really, we had our first pool party tonight with our small group and it went very well. The kids all had a great time. It still feels kinds weird to have a pool in our yard. I guess I just haven't gotten use to it yet since I have only swam a few times. We still have a LOT of work to do in the backyard...sprinklers, landscaping, furniture...etc., but it is going to be such a blessing to have.

The kids want to invite their friends over every day! And that is part of the reason we decided to build a pool in the first place. We want to have the kind of house that our kids want to invite their friends to. "Be the house." That's what our friends with teens said. I'm glad that my kids still want to be at home. Selfishly, that is where I like them best. Under my wings. But tonight, I pray that I can put my selfish desires behind and maintain open communication with my kids and a sharing heart for their friends and future loved ones.

Wednesday Update

Wednesday. Half way through the school week. I have all of those first of school papers to fill out and there seem to be more every day. PTA meetings. Church meetings. Committee meetings. Busy, busy, busy. But this is a week like every other school week. Or is it? Homework is not too heavy yet. Sports games have not started yet. It is going to get much more hectic!

But tomorrow will be a great day for the Texas Tolleson's to take a few moments to chill out. Literally. Tomorrow we start to fill the large hole in our backyard. And that water is going to be cold! I'm not sure who is more excited - the kids or Larry! We began this project sooo many months ago but the actual time to build it has only been 3 weeks. Wow! I will post a picture when it is full. I love how it has turned out! It is so hard to pick out materials and hope they will look good together, but we did it!

I know that is not an exciting update for today, but that is all I have in me today. I need a physical and spiritual revival, but I think Zachery will be providing part of that soon. He has some specific ideas of things he wants to start studying. I love that kid. He sure keeps me on my feet as a child of God. It is quite a wonder how your attitude and actions change when you realize just how closely someone is watching you.

Who is watching you?