Have you ever wondered if there is more? More to life? More you should do? A greater purpose for your life? Lately, I wonder "more?" quite often. Now, don't get me wrong here. I am not questioning my faith at all. In fact, I find myself praying much more asking God for guidance and clarity.
What do I want? Well, I'm not looking for busy work. I still have plenty of work to do. I have a small role in the school PTA. I have teachers to find for preschool classes. I have all the home chores (the ones that never seem to go away!). I have scrapbooking to catch up on. I have 2 rooms of our house to finish decorating. I will soon be working on curriculum for VBS. The taxes need to be done. The flowerbeds need to be prepped for spring. Etc., etc., etc... But, that is all just...stuff.
I'm also not looking for grandeur. I don't mean to sound like I am so important that I need something wonderful and grand and important to do. I'm not. So. Not.
Maybe I need to get a job. The extra money would be fabulous! The problem is that I am not willing to sacrifice the time with my children. Yes, I realize that they are all in school now. But not all day. So who gives a job to a girl who will only work from 9-2:30, no weekends, no holidays, no school event days, not when a child is sick, oh and not in the summer? Oh, and I'm not really sure that "more" is a boring accounting job anyway.
Maybe I want too much. Maybe I am too picky. Maybe I expect God to work miracles around MY schedule. Maybe I'm still thinking too much of ME. Probably.
So, what do I want? What I want is to be used by God for his greater purpose. To feel like I am using my talents to the best of my ability to serve Him. I want Him to say "Well done, good and faithful servant!". It is so hard for me to explain. Does this make any sense at all? I see others that are happy, successful and fulfilled in their professions. Ministers, missionaries, teachers, office workers, nurses...living for God daily. I just don't know how to get to that sweet spot where talents, passion, and purpose collide. Who knows, maybe I'm already there and God just wants me to be content. I guess I'll just keep praying that God will use me for more. Whatever His "more" is.
4 months ago